October 4, 2009

(detail of a new painting)

I've had way too much coffee tonight. It does things to my brain, I swear. Right now, instead of doing the mountains of homework I've got for tomorrow, I'm sitting curled up on the living room couch listening to a wasp hit his wings against the ceiling, meanwhile trying desperately to validate my existence. Again.
But I think I finally understand the meaning of life (if there is such a thing, or if such a thing is even capable of being understood). I am here to gather inspiration from the ordinary and extraordinary alike, recognize it, appreciate it entirely, and then spread the love and joy it brings me to every living being that I come into contact with afterward.

Validate my life? To whom? And for whom? That is so self-absorbed sounding. If I can inspire one person, then that's enough for me. I just want to stay awake for the next four days and do nothing but paint and love other people.

Lately, all of my inspiration seems to be coming from the people around me and the changing color of the leaves. People are so beautiful sometimes. And I can't fully appreciate that if I'm always hiding in the shelter of my circle of friends. I go places by myself more often now. And I talk to people I meet. It's a challenge (a real challenge, because deep down I'm painfully shy) to sit next to someone at the coffee shop and talk to him. But I did it. And I am so inspired from talking to that old man who shared with me decades of his life. Decades. I could possibly live decades more. I can't even imagine.

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